I have been
finding this year hard and I don’t know if that is the pressure of exams,
growing up or what. The one thing I do know is this year I have been finding it
really difficult without my mum. I don’t why as for the past two years it hasn’t
been as bad as this.
It has
gotten to the point where some days I wake up and I don’t want to get out of
bed I just want to stay there by myself and just cry it out. I don’t tell my
family about this though as I don’t want them to worry and we don’t really talk
about my mums death only the good times before as it is a really delicate subject.
Lately I have
been in a lot of shops and I have seen so many mothers and daughters together
both young and old and it’s when I realise that I won’t be able to get the
chance to have my mother by my side in the shop helping me pick my prom dress,
wedding dress or anything. I only have the past memories to remember her by and
it upsets me some days more than others to know I won’t have her there to
complain to or talk about boys or ask for advice or even have the opportunity to
have a longer mother daughter relationship.
It make me
feel like I have this emptiness inside me a missing part to me it has affected
me a lot as I have been just down too much and it has put me in bad moods
making me argue with my nana now more than usual.
I try to block out all my thoughts with distractions by doing things to occupy my mind or as recently now I sit in my bedroom with my headphones in blasting music or just sitting in my room alone helps as sometimes I do need space from everyone and to clear my head and think.
I try to block out all my thoughts with distractions by doing things to occupy my mind or as recently now I sit in my bedroom with my headphones in blasting music or just sitting in my room alone helps as sometimes I do need space from everyone and to clear my head and think.
I just
needed to get this off my chest and I thought this was the best way and it kind
of feels like a weight of my shoulders but not entirely. Hopefully school and
revision will occupy me but if not I might tell my dad but I’m not entirely
sure. I’m sorry for this depressing post guys thanks for reading and i promise the next
post will be more upbeat and happy.
Trying my
best to follow this quote but sometimes it gets hard.
